North Korean couples who cannot afford to provide a meal for their wedding guests will rent out food from local vendors, use them as a PHOTO OP and then return it afterwards.

When I heard North Koreans were renting food for the photo op, I was both equally shocked and confused. Faking it for photos is something I was used to seeing and have even come to expect in Western culture. With the rise of social media, it has become easier than ever for people to compare their lives with others and even stretch the truth about the life they live, often giving the illusion that they are doing much better than what they actually are.

Back in May 2017, I was browsing the Internet when I came across a trending topic that discussed the reality of people trying to portray a lifestyle they don’t have. The topic was trending as a result of rapper Bow Wow posting a picture of a private jet on his personal Instagram page with the caption, “Travel Day” implying that he was the one traveling on that private plane. Anyone who viewed that picture would have believed that he was doing very well for himself. However, things took a turn when a bystander who was also traveling to the same destination as Bow Wow, caught the rapper on his flight sitting in the economy section with him and was quick to call him out publicly. He snapped a picture of the rapper and posted it on his personal social media and the picture quickly began to circulate. It wasn’t long before the entire situation went viral and hundreds of people online started sharing humorous photos with the hashtag #bowwowchallenge as a reminder of how people are deceptive online, portraying a life they don’t have or trying to act like they are doing much better financially than what they actually are.

Internet access in North Korea remains extremely restricted. Other than the elite, most North Koreans don’t have internet access. Those that happen to live in one of few of the privileged cities which includes the capital Pyongyang, have access to the intranet, a small selection of government approved websites. The closest thing North Korea has to social media is an intranet “digital bulletin board” where those who have access to it can wish one another a happy birthday according to the Washington Post in their article, A rare glimpse of North Korea’s version of Facebook. No real social media means North Koreans can’t catch a glimpse of updates from friends or family. No social media also should mean less pressure to keep up with others, or does it?

Several Asian countries including China, Japan and the Koreas live in what is known as the “saving face” culture that provides a glimpse into reasons behind this strange yet common phenomena. In the article Saving Face or Losing Face in Korea by Margarita Kichukova, the author touches on the subject of “saving face” that is deeply rooted in Korean culture that originated from China. Kichukova states “It is unknown when exactly Korea accepted this particular cultural norm [of saving face] from China but it became part of the fundamental rules of behavior coined during the Joseon Dynasty (1392-1910).”

Tom Doctoroff of J. Walter Thompson advertising discusses the importance of showing respect to people’s face in a New York Times article “Saving Face in China.” “Face — a cliché, but it’s so true — is the currency of advancement,” he said. “It’s like a social bank account. You spend it and you save it and you invest. And when you take away somebody’s face you take away someone’s fundamental sense of security.”

Here in America, the internet mocked Bow Wow for his deception but people quickly moved on to the next hashtag. On the contrary, being publicly ridiculed would be taken very disrespectfully and seriously in Asian countries like China or South Korea.

Experiencing it personally as a Mexican American woman

One Thanksgiving morning, I joined my Chinese friend and his family for brunch. When it was time to pay, I pulled out my wallet to pay for what I ordered and my friend placed his hand over my wallet shaking his head no in a very serious manner and told me his grandparents would take care of the bill. I am a Mexican American woman and have never encountered this in my own Mexican culture or generally in American culture. The same thing happened when I joined my Asian friend and his family on a trip to Las Vegas. His older relatives took care of the bill at every restaurant and my friend gave me a “don’t you even think about paying” look as I reached for my wallet. I actually felt bad for not paying as I don’t like owing people money but now as I read and understand this part of Asian culture, had I paid for my meal, it would have come across as disrespectful and among themselves, they would “lose face” by letting a guest contribute to the bill.

Saving Face when a country is falling apart

Saving face is deeply rooted in Asian culture for both those who live in Asian countries and even those who live in the U.S. Not being Asian, I have a hard time understanding how the pressure to “save face” exists in a country where people struggle to put food on the table. Last October, Kim Jong-un made headlines for telling his starving citizens to eat less until 2025. This came almost two years after all borders and trade halted to prevent the spread of COVID-19 and echoed government mandates that led up to the famine of the 90s.

There may be some North Koreans who are able to rent food for photos to portray a life they cannot afford to live to “save face.” For most others, the need to survive trumps saving face. In January 2022, the Daily NK reported that famous North Korean actors and actresses were out in Pyongsong’s Okjon Market begging for food. In a society where saving face is the cultural norm, imagine how bad things must be for famous actors to swallow their pride and lose face by begging for food in public.

This pales in comparison to silly trends like the #bowwowchallenge. As I learn more about the North Korean people and their reality that is foreign to me in so many ways, I want to make it known to others. How amazing would it be for us to pray together for North Korea and make a different kind of hashtag trend. #prayfornorthkorea

This article was written by our Social Media Coordinator Melissa Vasquez.