“My days were filled with sighs. I would wake up each morning thinking, ‘How will I live through today?’ I would make small amounts of money. And each time I looked at the money I made, I would consider how I could use it to return to North Korea. My stomach felt like it was tied in knots.”
“Lydia,” a North Korean refugee living in China, wondered how she could go on with life. She had fled across the border from North Korea in 2005 to work for just one month before returning home. When Lydia was deceived and sold to a Chinese husband by traffickers, that one month stretched into many long years. In her first year in China, Lydia gave birth to a baby girl. Trapped in a country where she didn’t speak the language, where she didn’t know East from West, friend from foe, Lydia spent nine years in despair. She had left behind a twelve-year-old son in North Korea. A son who had expected her to come back in 30 days. She wonders about him even today. How much of his life he must have lived through now, how he must have become a man, how he did not have her by his side for so much of his struggles and triumphs. Lydia mourns the time that has passed.
Lydia pondered life in this well of despair as she travelled out of her small, rural village to meet another North Korean refugee in 2015. She and her friend, on a fateful afternoon in winter, encountered a Korean man in the backseat of a Chinese bus. It was rare to meet a Korean-speaking man in this back country region of China. Lydia had not seen a Korean man for almost a decade. The man was a pastor, a Korean-Chinese missionary working with Crossing Borders who was passing through her town. He had heard a few rumors that North Korean refugees were living in small villages. The chance meeting was the beginning of a new ministry that would expand over the next five years.
Since meeting Lydia, this missionary and Crossing Borders has planted small community churches with over 100 North Korean refugees in hiding just like Lydia. Lydia shared what it was like to meet Crossing Borders’ pastor. “It was amazing. I met our pastor on the bus and heard the gospel of God’s grace. I’d never imagined hearing about who Jesus was. I felt joy. I couldn’t understand why I felt happiness.”
Lydia had been drowning in sorrows of a life unplanned and unwanted. Suddenly, the unexpected arrival of grace, mercy and compassion changed her life forever. A ray of life and hope had burst into her soul.
“I used to like music in North Korea,” Lydia shared with Crossing Borders staff. “Praise songs moved my heart when I heard them for the first time. They gave me strength. They were blessings. A year after meeting our pastor, God’s Word began to speak to my heart.” Lydia had the opportunity to have services with Crossing Borders missionaries twice every month. She came to accept it by faith in early 2016. Today, Lydia is a leader of a small group of North Korean women who are learning about the Bible together. She is a loving and caring sister for many other women who has experienced the same depression and grief she survived.
“I love Thessalonians 5:16,” Lydia says. “‘Be joyful always.’ I wrote it down on a piece of paper and hung it up on my wall.”
Other North Koreans are not the only recipients of Lydia’s sudden wealth of joy. Lydia has shared the gospel with her family. Her husband, once a stranger who had purchased her, is now a believer of the Christian faith. As Lydia prays in Korean, he prays in Chinese. The two of them share the gospel with other North Koreans they encounter. Lydia’s daughter, “Heidi,” has heard the gospel as well. Out of the many half-North Korean children in Crossing Borders’ network, Heidi is one of the most educated on the Bible and the gospel. Heidi has also learned about her mother’s tragic past. It was not an easy story for Lydia to share with her daughter.
“I used to regret coming to China,” Lydia reflected. “But I felt that it was right to tell my daughter that she has a brother in North Korea. I told her that I am a refugee, that I have no citizenship in China.”
Heidi and her mother do not always see eye to eye. The two of them are not only separated by culture, but the perspectives of mother and daughter. Lydia has often remarked on the difficulties of mothering and raising her child in a world so vastly different from the one she was raised in. Many parents around the world may share her same fears and frustrations. Nonetheless, there is a newfound gratefulness in Lydia’s own heart. Heidi carries her mother’s hopes.
When asked what she wants to grow up to be, Heidi’s answer was firm. “I want to be a missionary to North Korea. I want to meet my brother.” Heidi wants to share the gospel with her family one day.
This year, Crossing Borders raised funds to provide many of the North Korean children in our network with scholarships. Heidi is one of those recipients. We long to support her and her family with both the gospel and the means to build a life in China.
“I believe that God’s love cannot compare with anything else in the world,” Lydia remarked. Crossing Borders is grateful for stories like hers. They are testimonies to the incredible power of the gospel.
