In traditional North Korean society, people seldom question the government or societal norms to avoid trouble. This is especially true among women living in the countryside who are often arranged to marry officials from the security and police force for the sake of social and economic stability.
NKNews described the life of a North Korean woman, Kim Young-sook (a pseudonym), who was born into a well-to-do, deeply patriarchal family in the late 1970s. Kim’s mother raised her to become a good wife one day when she eventually married a man chosen by her relatives or colleagues before turning 30. Kim became a teacher and was introduced to a young military officer by a friend’s mother when she turned 23. Their courtship lasted longer than expected but the two eventually married. Kim got pregnant shortly after their marriage and also took her household duties very seriously as taught by her mother. As she continued to work as a teacher after marriage, the family lived a privileged life receiving two extra sets of rations (one for being a teacher and one for being an officer’s wife) which was far more important than the salary she brought home. By all accounts, she lived the model life of a loyal North Korean comrade who did everything right.
THE DRAW TOWARDS MEN WITH DEFECTOR FAMILY MEMBERS
In the past, North Korean men with family members who defected were often socially and politically isolated, thus not perceived as “marriage material.” However, since local North Koreans have been unable to achieve any professional and societal advancement due to the COVID-19 pandemic, women nowadays are looking to men with relatives overseas. A source told DailyNK that North Korean women look for men with defector family members as marriage partners, as they are presumed to lead a better life compared to fellow citizens suffering from a nationwide food shortage. Another woman in her 20s from Hoeryong said that she and her friends would only marry men with “good conditions,” which means “a man with lots of money [i.e., a man with defectors in his family] rather than a man with a good job.”
Many refugees from South Korea and China have reported to Crossing Borders regularly sending remittances to their relatives in North Korea despite the heavy surcharge taken by the brokers.
According to the source, security agents and police in Hyesan, Yanggang province, used to profit from local smugglers until COVID-19 prolonged border closures. Today, those working in law enforcement no longer have an edge over everyday North Korean citizens in padding their own pockets or securing rations due to North Korea’s failing economy. While ordinary citizens struggle to put food on the table, people with defector families are “living in luxury” due to the money sent to them.
CHANGING ATTITUDES TOWARDS NORTH KOREAN MARRIAGES
While financial security is a prerequisite for marriage among many North Korean women aiming for survival, a major reason why many young North Korean women delay or even abandon the idea of marriage is reportedly due to South Korea’s pop culture displaying personal freedom and the advantages of having their own living space. According to a source in North Hamgyong province, not being able to live in their own homes would mean that either the wives would need to adopt the customary concept of living with and taking care of their parents-in-law, or the husbands would receive cold stares from the in-laws as their workplace fails to provide rations or proper salaries. A man in his 30s who got married in 2019 and recently moved out of his single-room home which he shared with his parents told DailyNK that he preferred paying an extra $44 USD to rent out with his wife and living comfortably “even if this meant having to survive on porridge.”
Another noteworthy shift amongst young North Koreans’ attitude towards marriage is their reluctance to register marriages due to the hefty bribes and long waiting time to legalize divorces. As the government considers the dissolution of marriage to be “an anti-socialist act that creates social unrest,” courts have been ordered to refuse divorces unless there is an “unavoidable reason.” A source told Radio Free Asia that each city and county court has a cap on the number of divorce cases it could handle in a year based on the size of the population, for example, Kyongsong county which has a population of about 106,000 can only grant 40 divorces a year. Another source added that, “In the past few years, family quarrels have been increasing due to difficulties in living, so the number of families seeking a divorce is increasing. There used to be a tendency to be ashamed of getting a divorce, but this is not the case these days.”
A marriage in North Korea may be more about survival than a relationship. This is another unfortunate example of a beautiful gift of God disfigured by an oppressive dictator.
