Heidi attempted suicide in her despair after discovering her South Korean husband had been unfaithful. After spending time in a psychiatric ward and unable to deal with her grief alone, she was connected to Elim House in the hopes that she could find rest and peace as she figured out next steps. Her grief was apparent as she spoke about her many thoughts, dreams and feelings towards her ex-husband.
Heidi’s father was shot by a firing squad after the North Korean government uncovered his plans to escape from the country. She remembers the day she heard this news and how she never shed a single tear for her father because he had been so abusive towards her all of her life. When she was 20 years old, she escaped from North Korea to China where she lived with a man and had a child. Four times she tried to escape to South Korea from China but she could not bring herself to leave her child. She finally left in 2014.
Once in South Korea, she married another man and currently has two children with him. She caught her husband cheating on her and this led to her attempted suicide.
North Korean refugees who turn to Elim House are often at the end of their rope physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is our goal to help them deal with the challenges and trauma in their lives in a productive way. This is why we take our residents to medical check ups, provide opportunities to receive professional counseling, and host times of worship for them to join. With Heidi, it was no different. We helped her to find work. We challenged her about her addictions. And we pointed her to God.
One Sunday this summer during our worship time with our Elim House residents, our pastor led the group in praise with the hymn “Fill My Cup, Lord” (by Richard Eugene Blanchard, Sr). Heidi immediately recognized the song and said her grandfather used to sing it in North Korea whenever he would consume alcohol. Heidi always assumed “Hananeem” (Korean word for God) was the name of one of their ancestors which her grandfather was calling out to during these times and didn’t think much of it. This could have been a way that her grandfather was sneaking gospel messages to his grandchildren. Her grandfather could also have converted the song into a drinking song, asking God to “fill his cup” while he got drunk. We marveled at how Heidi’s ancestors must have been introduced to the gospel in the days before the communist regime took over in North Korea and how Christianity hasn’t yet been eradicated from North Korea.
Heidi is very curious about reading the Bible these days with our social worker. She has commented on how the book of Proverbs offers many truths and warnings that she understands personally through her life experiences. While recently reading about Peter’s betrayal of Jesus, she became very animated and upset as she expressed the same hurt she had felt when her husband cheated on her with another woman.
Heidi suffers from sleepless nights when she is haunted by images of her father appearing in her dreams. She is trying to overcome addictions to alcohol, smoking and online gaming. She dreams of being able to raise her kids on her own and holding down a job to pay off the incredible amount of debt she has fallen under due to her husband’s mishandling of their finances. She has found work but it has been a difficult road for her due to the emotional stress that she is under.
We praise God that Heidi heard the gospel during her stay at Elim House and for her curiosity about Jesus and the Bible.
