Two Hands

This June, a missions team from Shepherd Church in California spent a week in South Korea serving and loving on the North Korean women of Elim House and Elim Community. The team led an art therapy activity with our Elim House residents called “Two Hands.” It was led by Althea, one of the members of the team, who works as a nurse in a hospital caring for the mentally ill. The “Two Hands” activity we did with our Elim House residents was one that she does with her patients back home.

As part of the activity, we traced both of our hands on a large piece of construction paper. Using markers, we were asked to fill the left hand drawing with words, phrases or pictures of things we needed to hold onto. On the right hand drawing, we were asked to fill it with things we needed to let go of.

A powerful time of sharing ensued. We were struck by the universality of our pain and suffering as we shared the things we needed to let go of. As Americans, we were worlds apart in so many ways from the North Korean refugees sitting across from us, yet we could immediately empathize with their core feelings of anxiety, depression, anger, insecurities, and pain inflicted by others. Our Elim House residents also expressed surprise and empathy while listening to our Shepherd Church members’ struggles which were similar to their own.

We also found commonality in the things that we needed to hold on to. Most of us mentioned exceptional people in our lives who showed us incredible love to help us get to where we were. Many of us had Jesus at the center of our drawing.

At the same time, there were moments that sharply demarcated our residents’ struggles with our own. Like when Brenda shared that she needed to hold on to the memories she had of her two lost sons in North Korea and let go of her memories of endless days of starvation in North Korea. Or when Jamie shared that she needed to hold on to her mom who was still in North Korea. That afternoon she showed me a picture of her mom that was taken a year ago. The woman who stared back at me in the picture looked gaunt and lifeless. Jamie kissed the picture on her phone screen as she muttered under her breath about the injustice of her 73-year-old mom looking like she was well past 90.

Through the disparities and similarities, we connected deeply with one another in the short time we spent doing this activity. Being vulnerable with each other as we shared some of our deepest pains and joys gave us a sense of unity in our life journeys. We encouraged and prayed for each other to earnestly surrender with both hands those things that held us back from our full flourishing. At the same time, we rejoiced as we witnessed each other dearly holding with both hands the gifts God had graciously given us to push us towards more hope, joy, and love.

Jenelle: A Breath of Fresh Air at Elim House

Jenelle had been living by herself in Seoul. Her husband was incarcerated on drug related charges and had also committed fraud with Jenelle’s bank account, which left her with nothing. Unable to pay the mortgage, she eventually lost her housing and was referred to Elim House this May by a regional Hana Center.

The day she arrived at Elim House happened to be the same day as our Elim Community Pilates class. Without even pausing to unpack, she joined the other residents and headed out to take the class together. Jenelle said she had always wanted to try pilates to help her back pain but could not afford it.

Though she’s suffered much throughout her life, Jenelle is very warm and jovial. It is unclear how long Jenelle was bound to a wheelchair, but we know she’s had two hip surgeries and a lot of acupuncture. Unable to walk after one surgery, the pastor who preaches at Elim House on Sundays happened to be the person who drove Jenelle around and helped her. The first Sunday after her arrival, when the pastor arrived at Elim House for Sunday service, Jenelle saw him for the first time in several years and broke down in tears.

Jenelle was also able to take part in our annual summer retreat that is hosted for Elim House residents, past and current. Two of our US staff traveled out to Korea for this retreat and spent time getting to know Jenelle and the other women at the retreat. They were touched by how she wore her heart on her sleeve, openly sharing her grief and heartache as she freely shed tears several times throughout the retreat.

Jenelle says that she was one of four children in North Korea. One of her siblings died of starvation during the famine, and Jenelle almost drowned while crossing a river to escape to China. She was saved by a large log that she held onto for dear life. Growing up, when her mother was having a hard time, she didn't know how to call out to God so she called out to some higher being. Jenelle recalls crying out to that same person as she fought for her life in that river. She said she experienced a “large invisible hand” that rescued her that day.

She gave birth to a child in China but was caught by the Chinese police and repatriated to North Korea. Jenelle is no longer in contact with him but her plan is to save up enough money in Korea to be able to buy a house in China for him. She also has a daughter with another man, both of whom are in China. Looking at the children of the Crossing Borders’ staff member recently, she sighed multiple times, expressing sadness that she could not raise her kids the way that our staff member’s kids were being raised. After having Sunday lunch with the Elim House residents, the kids started to show the residents some dance moves in the restaurant parking lot and Jenelle jumped in and moved her body as best she could, laughing and joking around despite her hip issues.

Jenelle’s bubbly personality and lightheartedness has brought a welcome breath of fresh air to Elim House these days. She is able to balance the strong personalities of two other residents who were often getting into fights prior to Jenelle’s arrival. This week, our social worker arrived at the shelter in the morning to find Jenelle and the two other residents communing over breakfast happily.

The process to apply for housing again can take months to years depending on each refugee’s circumstances. Our team in Korea has already helped Jenelle take the first few steps. No matter how long the process takes, we hope her stay with us will be one that brings healing to her body and her soul.

Ellen’s Heartaches and Poor Health that Brought her to Elim House

Ellen’s family prepared for five years to defect from North Korea. Her father was a soccer player and a bit of a hero in Pyongyang. During the Arduous March, people in other regions thought that all Pyongyang people ate well and lived well. According to Ellen, Pyongyang was not spared and like the rest of the country, many people starved to death. They left in 2003 and stayed briefly in China for about a month before making it safely to South Korea in early 2004.

Ellen is one of the few North Korean refugees that speaks with almost no North Korean accent. She attended college in South Korea and holds a doctorate degree. She came to stay at Elim House in February 2024 because of both physical and mental health issues. Ellen was suffering from a type of thyroid disease, was scheduled for a surgery and treatment for uterine fibroids and struggled with deep depression.

When living on her own, Ellen did not eat properly and spent hours just lying around. The doctors she saw for her fibroids suggested she should not live alone. Wanting to be around others and with the upcoming surgery, Ellen asked to reside at Elim House.

Ellen shared that she had been bullied by her classmates during graduate school where her focus was North Korean studies. To make matters worse, she was also ostracized by other North Korean defectors, which brought on a lot of stress. Her relationship with her mom also severed along the way and she eventually cut ties with everyone else in her life. She is currently on medication for depression and insomnia.

Two months into her stay with us, Ellen opened up about the strained relationship she had with her mother. When her mother was pregnant with her, her grandmother had a dream of a tiger and was convinced that the baby was a boy. Her entire family believed and expected a baby boy, but to their surprise, Ellen was born. From that moment, her grandmother mistreated Ellen’s mother, to the point of not even feeding her and neglecting her. That’s when her mother’s hatred towards Ellen began. As she shared this painful backstory with our team, Ellen shed her first tears since arriving at Elim House. She said that she had never told her story to anyone. She joked that Elim was a strange place that had the power to “air out” one’s soul.

Ellen has had many interpersonal conflicts in the past and that has proven to also be a challenge between her and another resident. Heeding the advice of those around her, Ellen started to receive counseling and has also been actively participating in a few Elim Community classes.

Coming to Elim House broke her habits of being alone and inactive. Ellen now takes regular walks, exercises, and has developed a healthy eating schedule, which shows great promise. Moreover, as she reflected on how she felt when sharing the story about her mom’s hatred towards her and her increased use of antidepressant medication to combat stress, Ellen became more aware of her need for help. She agreed to meet with a therapist once a week for at least the next ten weeks. She’s willing to stick to her commitment and believes that through all of this, God has a plan to heal Ellen’s deep hurts. We firmly believe this as well.

Kailey’s Refuge

In March, we welcomed a new resident at Elim House. Kailey suffered from domestic abuse, which left her in a fragile emotional state. She cried throughout her first Sunday service with us. Our staff held her hands and consoled her. To our great surprise, we learned that Kailey became a believer in North Korea. This was Crossing Borders’ first time encountering a refugee who came to faith in North Korea.

Crossing Borders has helped about 1,000 refugees since we began keeping records in 2008. We cannot remember a single refugee who recalled even hearing the name of Jesus in North Korea. The North Korean government has worked hard to eradicate Christianity within its borders since the communists took over in 1945. Before then, North Korea’s capital Pyongyang was a vibrant Christian community. It is said that the streets were empty in Pyongyang on Sundays because everyone was at church.

Kailey came to faith through her father’s trading partner from China who became close friends with him. A few years prior to her conversion, her family had betrayed this trader, and thus the business relationship was cut off. But time passed and the trader said he forgave them. This is how he introduced the gospel to Kailey’s family, through his act of forgiveness.

Helping others in North Korea is frowned upon and raises suspicion. With the little that North Koreans have to live on, it also comes at a great cost. Their family found it challenging to love their neighbor, as Jesus commanded in Matthew 22. North Korea wants to be the only source of support for all citizens, and helping someone of lower Songbun or social status can in turn lower one’s social status. Despite these risks, Kailey’s family loved their neighbors by secretly helping families in need. She told us a story about a family who gave birth to a child and did not have enough money to feed themselves. They left a bag of rice in front of the struggling family’s door. The mother and child both lived and the father even came and repaired Kailey’s house to repay their kindness.

A bigger challenge was to follow the greatest commandment to love the Lord. On Sundays, the family would gather in a safe house, hold their breath, whisper hymns, and listen to sermons via USB drives they obtained from their friend. According to Kailey, their family was part of a "gajung gyohwe" (가정교회) which is some form of a house church. The friend received support from a church in South Korea, who prayed for Kailey’s family and supplied them with Christian sermons and songs.

She sings songs at Elim House that she learned in North Korea. She sings through the tears and hardships of her life. Her boyfriend abused her. It became progressively worse as time went on. This is exactly why Elim House exists: to serve as a refuge for North Korean women in need. Through your support, we have been able to faithfully serve these women who are under significant distress.

We’ve had the privilege of seeing God heal Hayley’s battered body and comfort her broken heart during her time with us. She has built friendships with the other residents and trust for our staff who have faithfully prayed with and for her. Hayley is preparing to leave Elim House in April and we will continue to sing and cry with Kailey until she departs.

At Elim House: Weep with those who weep

Brenda (right) at an outing with other North Korean refugees.

One of the most mystifying things about the gospels is that God came to live among us and got involved in our affairs. In Matthew 1:23, the angel of the Lord said that we will call him Immanuel, which means “God with us.” We see this plainly at Elim House, as our staff cares for our residents.

Brenda came to us in late December as she faced continued housing insecurity. She had lived in South Korea since 2011 and was sixty years old. Brenda had been bouncing around between an acquaintance's house, a goshiwon (a dormitory style small room), a church shelter, and had most recently stayed at a church mission center. However, nearing the end of her allotted time there, she had to leave and find other means of housing. Brenda found herself at a studio apartment near a church, but due to the poor environment (bugs, fire, people around her), she inquired with our team and moved into Elim House.

Prior to her arrival, there had not been a resident who came to Elim House with strong faith. During her time spent in South Korea, Brenda had sought out a seminary education, and currently serves as an evangelist in the North Korean defector community at a local church. She pursued this position for the past seven years.

Just last week, as Brenda and Elim House manager Elsa sat down to eat lunch together, Brenda prayed for their meal. She started with “God, it’s raining lightly today,” and Elsa thought her prayer would be followed by something light-hearted or thanking God for the rain. Rather, tears welled up and Brenda cried “God, but my heart is sad.” Her housing situation and the lack of clarity on where or when she might have a place to call home weighed heavily on her heart. Brenda was usually having fun and full of energy, but that is also how she had masked her worries to the other women around her. Elsa’s heart broke for Brenda.

Later that day, Elsa drove the residents to a new line dance class at Elim Community where the women laughed together as they tried to follow the instructor’s dance moves. It hadn’t been more than a few hours when Brenda unexpectedly poured out her heavy heart as she prayed over lunch. But it was a relief to see her laughing and enjoying herself. Elsa shared with us that this verse came to mind in that moment:

‘Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep’ (Romans 12:15)

Elsa was convicted that even if a problem or situation for a North Korean refugee under our care can’t be solved right away, that God’s calling for her was to be present and to laugh and cry with them. The gospel proves that God was not some being who was uninterested in human affairs, that he stood at a distance and watched the chaos from afar. It’s the opposite. It says that he is here with us. Though we cannot solve all our refugees’ problems, we can sit with them and cry with them, as Jesus did with us.

How Ellie (엘리) Found Refuge #GivingTuesday2023

In the fall of 2022 we welcomed another refugee into Elim House. We call her “Ellie.” Ellie moved to South Korea in 2005 and scratched out a living as a restaurant worker. Her husband became abusive as a result of a mental illness, according to Ellie. She was so miserable that she attempted suicide. Finally, she asked around if there was any other place for her to live.

“I don’t want to divorce him. I just need a break,” she told our staff when she first arrived at our women’s shelter. Elim House was the resting place she needed. According to Ellie, her husband had psychological problems and was delusional. She also shared  that her husband’s brother had severe mental health issues, which was the cause of his death in North Korea.

As a part of the daily rhythms at Elim House, Ellie began doing Bible studies with our social workers. Ellie’s curiosity about Christianity grew and she even wondered why she didn’t consider the Bible more seriously in the past. Her daughter had previously become a Christian and Ellie was exposed to Christianity but was not convinced.

After spending three months at Elim House and receiving counseling, Ellie’s heart softened. She said that Elim House is like going to her mother’s home, a place where she felt safe. During the week, she would read the Bible with our social worker. She was fascinated by the book of Proverbs and said that it felt like every line was written for her. One Sunday she decided that she wanted to follow Christ and that she wanted to be baptized.

North Koreans like Ellie carry with them a tremendous amount of trauma from their difficult lives in South Korea but also from their time in China, where most have been sold, and their time in North Korea. Ellie carried this trauma into Elim House.

She shared a story about a public execution she saw in person. Often, public executions in North Korea were mandatory viewing. One man was caught with a Bible. Later, a cross was found hanging in his basement. The man’s last words were, "God saved me, not Kim Il Sung.” He barely got his last words out before he was shot dead.

The temporary separation from his wife made Ellie’s husband reconsider how he had treated her. She told us that he was willing to do anything to have her back, even go to counseling. She decided to give their marriage another try. And through most of 2023, it seemed as if they were doing well.

Ellie attended our summer retreat and her life seemed stable. When she came back in September for our Chuseok retreat,it was then that we saw the weight of her marriage on her. She was sad and broken. Shortly after the retreat, Ellie told our social worker that her husband asked for a divorce. She longed for the days when she lived at Elim House and has even considered moving back temporarily.

She is currently going through the legal process of divorce in South Korea. She and her husband are dividing up their assets and her heart is broken. Elim House was a short time in Ellie’s life. It became a place of rest for her amidst the tumult of her life. But most importantly, it was a place where she had a true encounter with the Lord. Though she came to find temporary refuge from her difficult marriage, she found her true refuge in God. Though the circumstances of her life are materially no different from when she first came through our doors, the radical transformation God did in her heart will carry her through the difficulties of her divorce.

This holiday season, please consider making a contribution to this work. Not only will you be providing physical refuge, you will also be providing a platform to share about spiritual refuge in Christ.

Julianne's Respite and Community #GivingTuesday2023

Julianne (center) at Elim House.

Julianne was urgently admitted into Elim House this past July after learning that her husband had committed suicide. She was 41 years old and had been married for about a year.

She came from an affluent family in North Korea. Her father was a high ranking executive and her mother traveled frequently to China for business. Julianne had traveled alone to China during the 2022 Beijing Olympics but due to tightening of Chinese borders, she was unable to return home. Having enough money to get herself to Thailand, she was able to defect to South Korea by way of Bangkok. This defection was both unplanned and unexpected, and it still makes her miss her family and home in North Korea. Julianne’s face lights up and her voice gets excited when she speaks of her home.

Once in Korea, she fell victim to financial fraud, was betrayed by several different men, and experienced much hardship. Julianne was with her husband for three years before they married, which was against the wishes of her in-laws. Her husband had foreign business in Cambodia that had failed recently. After the business closed, they didn't leave their house much over the course of a year, which was extremely trying. She needed to get out and wanted to be alone so she took a solo trip for ten days. Julianne said she intentionally ignored her husband’s calls while on this trip. Her husband was known to be anxious, often thinking she might abandon him and run away. He also became violent when Julianne broached the subject of breaking up. It was during her time away that her husband took his own life. She said they had lived through and endured much hardship together but she never suspected it would end this way.

Julianne believed that if she had returned earlier, her husband would not have died. She says that her husband's death was her fault and that she didn’t think she could go on living with the agony he left her by ending his own life. To make matters worse, her in-laws refused to let her be a part of the funeral because they had always been against their marriage.

We learned that Julianne had regularly listened to sermons and worship music with her husband as he came from a Christian family. Julianne joined our regular Sunday worship services at Elim House during her time with us. Upon arriving at Elim House, Julianne suffered with insomnia, chest pains, lack of energy, no appetite and constantly feeling lethargic. The other women living at Elim House when Julianne arrived cooked for her, spent time hearing her story and encouraged her. Within a couple of weeks, she had found enough stability and strength to go inquire with government agencies about getting emergency financial assistance and even began to look for how she might support herself.

Women like Julianne serve as a reminder that Jesus is our only refuge in times of trouble. We are so thankful for the folks who referred Julianne to Elim House during her turmoil. She was able to find respite and community during her stay with us. Julianne moved out just three short weeks after arriving. Her time with us was brief but we continually pray that the seeds of hope planted in her will be watered by others and that she will one day find her rest in Jesus.

Would you consider partnering with us this Giving Tuesday to help more North Korean refugees who struggle to find help and hope?

Elim House Resident Heidi

Heidi attempted suicide in her despair after discovering her South Korean husband had been unfaithful. After spending time in a psychiatric ward and unable to deal with her grief alone, she was connected to Elim House in the hopes that she could find rest and peace as she figured out next steps. Her grief was apparent as she spoke about her many thoughts, dreams and feelings towards her ex-husband.

Heidi’s father was shot by a firing squad after the North Korean government uncovered his plans to escape from the country. She remembers the day she heard this news and how she never shed a single tear for her father because he had been so abusive towards her all of her life. When she was 20 years old, she escaped from North Korea to China where she lived with a man and had a child. Four times she tried to escape to South Korea from China but she could not bring herself to leave her child. She finally left in 2014.

Once in South Korea, she married another man and currently has two children with him. She caught her husband cheating on her and this led to her attempted suicide.

North Korean refugees who turn to Elim House are often at the end of their rope physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is our goal to help them deal with the challenges and trauma in their lives in a productive way. This is why we take our residents to medical check ups, provide opportunities to receive professional counseling, and host times of worship for them to join. With Heidi, it was no different. We helped her to find work. We challenged her about her addictions. And we pointed her to God.

One Sunday this summer during our worship time with our Elim House residents, our pastor led the group in praise with the hymn “Fill My Cup, Lord”  (by Richard Eugene Blanchard, Sr). Heidi immediately recognized the song and said her grandfather used to sing it in North Korea whenever he would consume alcohol. Heidi always assumed “Hananeem” (Korean word for God) was the name of one of their ancestors which her grandfather was calling out to during these times and didn’t think much of it. This could have been a way that her grandfather was sneaking gospel messages to his grandchildren. Her grandfather could also have converted the song into a drinking song, asking God to “fill his cup” while he got drunk. We marveled at how Heidi’s ancestors must have been introduced to the gospel in the days before the communist regime took over in North Korea and how Christianity hasn’t yet been eradicated from North Korea.

Heidi is very curious about reading the Bible these days with our social worker. She has commented on how the book of Proverbs offers many truths and warnings that she understands personally through her life experiences. While recently reading about Peter’s betrayal of Jesus, she became very animated and upset as she expressed the same hurt she had felt when her husband cheated on her with another woman.

Heidi suffers from sleepless nights when she is haunted by images of her father appearing in her dreams. She is trying to overcome addictions to alcohol, smoking and online gaming. She dreams of being able to raise her kids on her own and holding down a job to pay off the incredible amount of debt she has fallen under due to her husband’s mishandling of their finances. She has found work but it has been a difficult road for her due to the emotional stress that she is under.

We praise God that Heidi heard the gospel during her stay at Elim House and for her curiosity about Jesus and the Bible.